The Black Couch Chronicles

iens tergum in vicis

2010-06-26T16:28:00.000+08:00

i remember sitting on the couch and listening to my song. i can't forget how my heart wanted to burst out of my chest, how its beats caused me slight deaths.

i remember skinny dipping into the rhythm and felt the chills up my spine thinking about the loss of something i never really had.

i remember how i wanted for a flashbomb to explode right before my eyes to numb everything even just for a short while.

i remember how i wanted dawn to go on forever and not see the light of day. i remember.

i remember concealing my eyes not to show how emotions are eating me.

and as i go back, i'd be forced to retrace my steps, the hesitant steps that i had when i left.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Why My Back?

2010-04-19T11:41:00.000+08:00

The other day, as I was coming out of the shower, my mom asked me: "Why put your tattoos on your back where you can seldom see them?". I said I don't need to see them everyday because I know they are there.
They are stamps and I am the passport. My back is my past and I will be facing what the future brings with what I have become.

Shine on and be happy!!!

that black couch

2010-04-08T06:37:00.000+08:00

There's a black couch similar to this

Torn and tattered but I really miss...

If only that couch could speak,
It would tell a million secrets
Theirs and mine and all others who
Once in their lives passed by the couch too.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Pray for Forgiveness

2010-03-15T15:36:00.003+08:00

I knew of friends who were played on by the grandness of life. From others' point of view it may seem that they played with chance, they tested fate. One was a free soul, the other has a free mind. All odds against. For a long time they've always just passed by each other, hi's, hello's, nods, and high fives. Nothing. One fine day under the clear skies and humid weather, they met. Mind to mind, hopes to hopes, dreams. Just that kind where time didn't matter. The ceaseless conversations brought them too close for comfort. It became a love affair which wasn't really as the mind held it but the soul denied it. It became a battle of choices: one chose to save while the other chose to hold back, one chose to keep it under weather the other wanted sunshine. As fast as they met was disconnection. Somewhere in between everything was immaculate...too immaculate that the disconnection washed over it like tide on sand castle.

It is a sad fact that choices, as much as they are free to grab, can be restricting. The systems of the universe are made up by choices. The structures are choices, the foundations are choices. Even the odds are choices - made by people that affect people.

Fate and chance? Can they hold true? They could not be absolute. Choices. Only in a parallel universe free of structure can a free soul and a free mind meet without the odds. Only in a parallel universe can things like happiness and contentment be absolute. Parallel universe.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Currently listening to: URBANDUB, The Apparition

2010-02-01T09:08:00.003+08:00

One of the Philippines premier rock bands, Urbandub, has just recently released their new album. I got wind of it when a friend of mine pointed out that they sound "alienating" this time. I didn't know what he meant by that since I haven't heard a single song from the new album yet. I didn't mind getting the new album until the bf asked whether I already have it. He said they sound upgraded and that other musicians would have a hard time covering the songs.

OOOOooows?

Now that I have it and have been sound trippin' on them for days now, indeed they sound juicier. If they were hamburger, they'd definitely be one messy burger to eat with all that juice and tender beef falling off. (I think I am hungry.) To start off, no good listener can mistake Gabi Alipe's vocals for someone else. He has that distinct voice - full and whole but tiny at the same time. Hahaha. Througout the album, Lalai Lim, their bassist has more audible back up vocals than before. They definitely still have that Urbandub vibe going on. When one listens, one can immediately say "ah, that's Urbandub". This time though, more dynamics have been injected into the patty (pardon me for the burger thing). New sounds play from almost all the songs.

Opening the album is Meneurs De Loup, a loop. Reading the title reminds me of A Perfect Circle. Eh? The Apparition, I think, is the one that made my friend say Udub's sound is alienating. This song is quiet and had that airy feel like you're being taken to a different plane. This song then melts into Face in the Woods and you know you've just entered Urbandub's door. The bassist did a good job filling in back up vox. The tale continues with Gravity which has a heavy sound and here, I heard that particular Urbandub guitar riffs.

When Shadows Have Eyes is a short cut that reminded me of White Zombie and Marilyn Manson. A bit far-out but somehow fits the whole exposition. Wierd.

What This Night Brings, this song I kinda' heard from somewhere. I mean it sounded familiar and I just can't figure out where I heard it. Maybe it sounded similar to another local band's song. This has a nice form of vocal play from Gabi and Lai. A Call To Arms, for me is an emotional song-emo in a good way. It's probably the lyrics.

Arrows is an instrumental cut that again, reminds you this is a different Urbandub plane. This is followed by Tongues Like Knives and Bright City Kids which are probably my least favorite from the album. Next song is Stars and the Sun which is my favorite. It had a bit of Deftones feel to it but it's completely their own. It's heavy, it's playful, it's melodic and has a patriotic call to it. (Hello, Stars and the Sun..). It opens with an ethnic dub, funky sound and molds into a complete story on its own devoid of influence from other songs in the album. I would like to take this as the climax of this album's tale despite being a story on its own. Denouement then becomes the Over the Hill & Back cut which sounds as if they were chillin' on a green garden with butterflies and angels lying on the ground. Much like a victory song after a war.

Then they realized that after a war comes many dead bodies, broken buildings, and torn lives so comes We Kept It Hidden. It's a complete surrender and more like an ode to return to something you know is pure..."let all the pieces fall...how fortunate in endings".

Good Morning Bones sounds a bit 311-ish. I feel that this is a continuation of We Kept It Hidden or at least what they were trying to evoke in terms of musicality and feel. Mountains Tell Stories caps off the album - reminding you again that you are in outer space. ;)

Truth be told, I can't say yet that this new Urbandub album is better than its predecessors. However, as with their previous albums, I didn't quite fall in love with the first few times listening. They kinda' grew on me through time...

Shine on and be happy!!!

We're so Red,Green, and Gold

2009-12-06T17:59:00.004+08:00

I live in a happy house with the person I love, my son, and two of my friends who are technically my family. They got married recently and so a lot of new "firsts" have begun for them. One of these firsts is the Christmas tree they put I up which now proudly stands on our sala bedecked with Christmas ornaments.

I forgot what "ber" months mean until I came home from a Saturday night out shocked to see this happy tree. It took me about 10 seconds to realize that the Christmas season has begun. Being the nomad that I am, I vaguely remember the last time I've lived in a house that had a Christmas tree for well, Christmas. Christmas trees always reminded me of family, Noche Buena, and a meaningful celebration. This tree reminded me all of that and more...

So this month I shall be going to my mom. I am excited because it will be a family Christmas for me (real family) and my son. I shall go home and celebrate Christmas for what it was really meant for. This will also be a first for me, in many, many years. (I shall buy a new camera to capture more firsts that will come along with this.)

2009 has been a great year for me. This Christmas will be great.

...oh and the book cabinet has a lay above it with twinkling Christmas lights. I shall not forget too that this is the first time I've ever seen a Christmas lay hugging a sala mirror that says "Miller Beer"...

Shine on and be happy!!!

Ang Di Lumingon sa Pinanggalingan...ay Napugutan.

2009-10-17T07:47:00.000+08:00

nung isang araw nagmessage ang isa sa aking mga mabuting kaibigan na si mymai. tanong nya kung meron daw ba akong bagong "learnings". sana daw may maisulat akong tungkol sa mga taong lumimot na sa pinanggalingan. parang ganun kasi malabo ang instructions nya. nyahaha. sabi ko sige, mag iisip ako ng mga ilang araw at gagawan ko. malamang naman siguro sa dalawampu't walong taon ko nang nabubuhay sa mundong ibabaw, may natutunan naman ako tungkol sa PAST.

salawikain: ang taong di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay di makakarating sa paroroonan.

totoo, madaming tao ang nakakalimot sa kung ano sila noon lalo na kung mas marangya, mas maaliwalas, mas mataas, at mas mabuti na ang kalagayan nila ngayon "DAW". okey sana kung talagang nakalimutan lang pero yung sinasadyan lumimot? tsk.

eto yung mga tao na mahilig sa mga "past is past", "noon lang yun", "tapos na yun" na mga kataga o pinakasimple: namumuhay sila ngayon na akala mo walang bahid ng kung anumang kapalpakan, katangahan, o katarantaduhan silang nagawa noon.

c'mon mamon!

oo, sige, totoo, tapos na nga naman yun pero wag sana tayong magpanggap na hindi na iyon bahagi ng kung anuman tayo NGAYON. sinong niloko mo? natural, bahagi ang lahat lahat ng napagdaanan mo kung anong klaseng tao ka ngayon. kung bumuti eh di mabuti, kung sumama, watken ay sey? diskarte mo yan eh...

hindi kailanman tayo makakatakas sa ating nakaraan.

pinakasimpleng eksampel: ang salitang "pero" . kahit si manny pacquiao na isa sa pinakamayamang pilipino ngayon at tinitingala ng marami, pag pinag uusapan sya talagang may ganito: "uy, si manny pacquiao o matalo man o manalo sa laban nila ni coto billions na naman ang kikitain. pwede na niyang bayaran utang ng pilipinas" "oo nga, yaman na ng loko PERO dati umuutang lang yan sa tindahan". odiba?

patuloy na maaalala ng mga taong nakakakilala sa atin yung mga nakita, narinig, naranasan nila tungkol sa atin kahit pa anong klaseng buhay ang meron tayo ngayon. ang sarap sana ng buhay kung totoong nakakalimot ang tao, kung talagang sa isang iglap mawala ang lahat ng impresyon na ating iniwan sa isipan ng iba kaso hindi eh. sa men in black lang nagagawa yun.

oo din, mas importante nga naman yung NGAYON kaya lang wag tayong umasta na para bang "wala lang" yung nakaraan. kasi para mo na ring sinabi na isa ka lang utot na dumaan at nawala. ang salitang "pero" tungkol sa ating buhay ay dala dala na natin hanggang sa tayo ay may hininga. bawat isa sa ating ikinilos ay katumbas ng isang "pero". it may be used against you, not only in the court of law, but in the court of mankind.

tanggapin natin ng buo ang bawat "pero" na ating totoong ginawa. hindi natin pwedeng sabihin na "di na ako yun, nagbago na ako". TSEH! ikaw pa rin yun, nagbago ka lang nga! ang sinasabi ko lang naman, hindi naman porke't nag 180-degree turn ang buhay mo, ibang tao ka na. ano ka, magic? siguro, oo, you're a new person pero sa kaibuturan, IKAW pa rin yan. sabi nga nila, ang ahas magpalit man daw ng balat, ahas pa din. tama nga naman, mas shiny nga lang. mas maganda, masa mabango, at pwedeng hindi na nanunuklaw pero ahas pa rin yun.

wag magmalinis. yun yon! di ba mas maganda kung kung ikaw ay may isang buong pagkatao? hindi yung parang sinadyang hiniwalay mo sa kung anumang paraan ang nakalipas sa ngayon. kahit na ba balewalain na natin ang paningin ng iba sa atin, sa sarili natin mismo alam natin yung katotohanan na ang nakalipas ay malaking bahagi ng kung pano tayo nabuo sa ating "ngayon" at mabubuo sa ating "kinabukasan"...

DEBAAAH???

Shine on and be happy!!!

Delicadeza - Where art thou?

2009-09-05T19:10:00.000+08:00

Delicadeza is a Spanish term which when translated in English means daintiness. It is defined as an act of being refined or delicate in tastes or manners. But in simple terms, its commonly referred to as a sense of propriety or how to behave rightly in all circumstances.

To be branded “without delicadeza” is probably the strongest insult that one can hurl at a someone else. This is because the word is associated with honor. In many cultures, people die to protect their honor.

- Leonor Magtolis Briones

Delicadeza - tact, discretion, consideration

I learned:

1. Some people have the habit of digging their own graves. Or to put it lightly, sinking themselves in deeper holes. (ay, lightly ba yun?) and THEN when they get noticed and talked about, they say that those people have no delicadeza...Hmmm.

2. Honor. Palabra de honor. Dignity. Credibility. Same banana, different peel.

3. People can forget knocking on doors before entering mainly because they think they're still living in that house.

4. When in doubt, do not use mouth. Use brain first.

5. It's always better to ask than to assume (and eventually believe it's the truth)...

6. Own up. Denial is a chronic disease.

7. Say "hi" or "hello". Smile. Rather than pretend you didn't see someone else for the sake of avoiding the premise. (Di naman kasi lahat ng tao nangangagat). - refined manners please.

Disclaimer: Everything in "I learned" does not mean I do. Relax.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Dawn...

2009-08-23T04:27:00.000+08:00

after everything that i've known, learned, and experienced this week, i've realized...

that there are people who, no matter what they say or do, can never change.

that in order to mask their tragic lives, people always have the tendency to proclaim greatness.

that even if they say they aren't affected, they are.

that serious, lengthy conversations do not always guarantee a sealed deal - sometimes it's just a ploy for other motives.

there are some who thrive on attention and takes a stab on every possible opportunity to achieve self-gratification.

"love" can be expensive for the desperate. what a pity...

that denial is an illness.

that some people have actually mastered the art of lying. it's when their lies become their truths and they believe all of it even if everyone else does not.

"sorry", most of the time, is just a 5-letter word and does not mean anything.

all of these in one week. people-watching is a great learning tool. i hope next week gives happy wisdom.

Shine on and be happy!!!

A Salute for Cory Aquino

2009-08-02T12:21:00.001+08:00

Shine on and be happy!!!

The Need to Escape

2009-07-01T02:52:00.002+08:00

When reality bites you, there is always a yearning to escape. Sometimes it's an instinct to find the easiest way out of whatever that is that engulfs your very own spirit. Diverting to shortcuts only lengthens the ordeal sometimes; shortcuts do not guarantee a foolproof way of dealing with life's blows.

Despite having everything you truly need and all the reasons to walk upright, one can not be excused from feeling that certain need to escape when bad lightning strikes. Some deal with it by drowning themselves in pity and tears, while some remain placid and oblivious, but everyone feels that need to just be free of the maelstrom of emotions.

Too much is too much when even breathing is not a steady pace.

(I have to...)
Shine on and be happy!!!

Blogging can be deadly.

2009-06-26T04:25:00.002+08:00

I am no expert in blogging. I have no idea on what some blogging terms mean. All I know is that I want to write and take down some of my ideas - more like Dumbledore's pensieve. As I delved into this contemporary way of journal-making and deviated from my used-to-be numerous notebooks, I have happened to come across blog hullabaloos in the past. As much as I wanted NOT to read about them as I have my own burdens to think of, I got sucked into the funnel.

There was the Gucci Gang-Brian Gorrel-Bryanboy-Chuvaness-Dona Victorina scandal (No, di naman ako masyado nagbasa, haha). It involved several high society people and some credible names. It even got into the Wikipedia. There were a lot of character assassinations and name-calling: much like "he said, she said, they said". If I'm not mistaken, it has been one of the most controversial happenings in the blogsphere and up until now, it's remnants are still popping here and there. Then there was the Ala Paredes blog where she got HUGE reactions from people just because they did not like what she wrote. Yes, we have the freedom of speech and all and yes, people would not always agree on things.

Blogging now is one of the most effective tools in creating hysteria from the general public. It can do a lot of good as well a whole lot of BAD. It can be deadly as it can kill someone's character right then and there - with or without justice. Just like false innuendos or hearsays, once it gets published there's no taking it back. Even if the blogger removes that blog, it has already been read by people and an idea has already been etched in their minds.

As I was reading through the controversial blogs, I admit to have been kind of scared to write as transparent as I want to. What if someone who (accidentally) passes through my blog finds something I wrote offensive? What if they attack me? (Feeling naman ako na may nagbabasa noh? Haha) But then I thought, I am responsible for whatever I write. I would not write it if it was not an honest writing from my heart. If someone disagrees and disses me, then let it be. They have their own piece to say and I have mine.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Evil Triumphs When Good Men Do Nothing

2009-06-23T22:37:00.002+08:00

As I was browsing through my files in the hopes of cleaning up, I came across the image above and then I remembered I saved it last year when I browsed updates on Col. Ariel Querubin. I was moved by this image - "Evil triumphs when good men do nothing." It had an impact on me, moreso that a military personnel like him was the one holding the sign.

Like many others, he was not able to fathom any of the bullshit anymore. The only difference is that he spoke up and expressed his sentiments and chose to do it in a bigger way. He risked a lot of what he is and who he is just to be able to try and get the message across. Now, Col. Ariel Querubin is running for a senatorial seat. I hope he wins if it means that he would not stop trying getting the message across - that it's now a high time for everyone to wake up and begin the chain of changes for the country. The current campaigns and call for action are signs of the supposed "changes" and in my heart I wish they are not just a fad.

Trillanes was a fad and now where is he?

Shine on and be happy!!!

Inspiration: Sarah Gaugler

2009-06-18T01:07:00.003+08:00

Inspiration: Sarah Gaugler

I was browsing a local website dedicated to vintage clothing the other night and the writer featured Sarah Gaugler. Her picture was familiar thus I Googled her name and I landed on her Deviantart and Multiply.

Model
Tattoo Artist
Fine Arts graduate
Vocalist of Turbo Goth
A mighty graphic artist
Drew for a variety of famous brands, orgs, and companies
Has a fine taste in clothing and style.
Beautiful.
Smart.
and Tattooed.

...everything that I wanted to become. I salute her!

Shine on and be happy!!!

Just One of 'em Days

2009-06-17T04:28:00.002+08:00

Kakaloka!

I've been feeling weird these past few days. Joseph comments I have not been smiling and that I was not my usual self. Main culprit: I overshot on my budget...well, not really. Rather, I was expecting a soundy "kaching" and unforch, it didn't land on my hands. (To client: I heytchu!).

Just a while ago, my co-worker and I discussed money, or the lack thereof. I told her that it's these days when you just have the super urge to buy lots of stuff, everything you see is eye candy and sumptuous food never fails to tease your palate and the more you fantasize of them, the more you feel grumpy because you know you can't have them just yet. I've been thinking of buying this and that shoes, getting a haircut or curl my hair, purchasing new jeans, coloring my hair a different tone, getting my son new kicks, etc... What's offbeat is that I know for sure that when I have my pockets and wallet refilled (in a few days), I will forget all these urges and cravings. What gives?!

Upon reaching work last night (yes, I am on the graveyard shift and no, I am not in a call center - I may be a security guard, hehe), Joseph texted something like "it's days like these we know we're alive because we are undergoing some adjustments and bits of challenges". It's when I realized that it's just one of 'em days where the stars and the planets do not conspire for you to have your way and shit does NOT happen everyday.

Shine on and be happy!!!

David Beckham

2009-06-12T02:19:00.002+08:00

David Beckham for Armani...Haaaaay.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Of Slumdogs and Poop

2009-06-09T02:09:00.002+08:00

The other night, instead of spending Saturday getting intoxicated, my partner and I decided to just watch DVD's and pig out at home. After all, we were bracing ourselves with the new and happy responsibility of having to tend for an incoming grade 1 student who runs around the house like a mini tornado.

This night we watched Slumdog Millionaire. Yes, i just watched it the other night. There was a part where Jamal decided to jump in a puddle of poop just to be able to get out of the makeshift toilet and see his celebrity idol. Haha. Remember that scene? Anyway, boyfie asked "Would you do that - jump in a puddle of poop if it was Maynard you would have to see? (Maynard being Maynard James Keenan of my ever fave A Perfect Circle)" I replied a big fat " Ha ha ha, I'm not that desperate of a fan. I am not THAT fanatic".

As the movie came to a close and they ran a clip of that scene again, I asked him " Would you do the same thing he did if it was me you're about to see?" He replied " Ha ha ha, I'm not THAT fanatic". Hehehehehehehe.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Felicity

2009-05-07T17:24:00.002+08:00

It has been quite some time now that I have been with my partner and yet everyday with him still feels like brand new. I still get giddy seeing him after work, either when he meets me somewhere or he waits for me at home. I used to believe that that woozy and stirred up feeling only lasts up until the first couple of months of being together. Well, my past relationships were like that: became bland within a year. It isn't the case this time. Wow.

Despite seeing him everyday, sleeping and waking up to his face, I could still feel that enigma of sorts. There's still a yearning to know him more despite "what else?". In the length of our time together, we have never fought majorly. It has always been really petty fights - around twice. Haha. I used to ask him why we never fight and we had resorted to dramatizing a quarrel scenario and we always end up laughing. We're crazy that way.

For months I wanted to get into an argument with him just to see how it would be. I never saw him angry. I never heard him raise his voice (except when he sings :]). The last petty fight, the second one, made me decide otherwise. As that immature issue loomed and created the "distance" (because when you fight, there's a distance, right?)I got scared. I did not like how it felt eventhough it wasn't something of a big deal. I will never want to get into a fight with him. NO.

While other couples text each other the usual "Where are you, what are you doing, i love you", he texts me "wear your smile and be beautiful". This reminds me that whenever I enter the door of our house, I leave all work stress and worries behind and wear my smile - because he's there and I would not need anything else. Right from the beginning, he had always made me want to become a better person; not with words or with anything he tells me but just by being his usual self. He has a heart bigger than himself.

Who would have thought this probinsyanong rockstar from the orbit of Mars and Jupiter would land at my hands? The stars and the moon conspired to give this gift to me and I am extremely grateful. I am in love and I love being in love.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Just beCause

2009-04-15T20:14:00.002+08:00

Jeez. I'm turning 28 on the 23rd. Aiks. For the past 10 years, I could not recall a memorable birthday celebration. Haha. It's either my special day turns out to be ordinary, or something else is more important than celebrating it, or nobody bothers to make it extra special but me. C'mon, I spent my debut doing a fashion show for someone else's debut (her cotillon was the fashion show).

This year, being active and all in the local indie music scene, I planned on having a charity gig for the streetchildren. We've done it (on another prod) last Christmas and it was a success. I'm doing it again. I just want to give back. I feel blessed the past year and a half - having my partner and all... 8 artists/musicians agreed to play during the gig at D Bar, proceeds will go to a feeding program for street kids. I have coordinated with my friend, Jad's mom regarding the charity house. Hmmm. I hope it becomes successful. Luckily, Paulo - the bar's main man, agreed to do this with me. He's got a good heart and a soft spot for street kids too. I just need to campaign for it well so donations would grow. I'm not really counting much on the money we'll be getting on the gig night itself, but on the financial donations people around me might spare. *CROSSES FINGERS*

It's a great feeling to be able to help out and see these children's smiles. Wish me luck!!!

Shine on and be happy!!!

Priests and Charisma

2009-04-13T16:13:00.002+08:00

In observance of the Holy Week, there were selected and limited shows on all the local channels, most of which are in line with the whole Holy Week celebration. Last Saturday, we chanced upon a Lenten Recollection show on ABS-CBN as we got home. For some reason, apart from I was cooking dinner, we did not change the channel. There was this bishop (I forgot his name, my bad) giving the lecture.

He was humorous and serious at the same time. He was never boring. One reason why I lost that interest to go to church was because some priests do not get anywhere with their homilies. There were even times that I thought I understood better whichever scripture or homily topic he was trying to explain. Forgive me for not being a believer of religion much. Don't get me wrong. I have my faith. It's the structure of my religion that I have lost belief in. Anyhow, going back, the bishop who was in this Lenten Recollection gave really, really nice points on how we live our lives. I won't discuss much what he has said. My point is that, he knew what he was saying and he knew how to say it. He got the attention of everyone in the audience - even me! Imagine that. :]

I'm not sure if charisma is a subject taken in the seminary but if it is and if all priests or seminarians get A's on this subject then maybe there would be more churchgoers. I don't know. This is just me. Kudos to that bishop though. Ang galing!

Shine on and be happy!!!

Recession - The Big Picture

2009-03-19T17:42:00.001+08:00

This saddened me. It's really happening "there".

Scenes from the recession.

Everything shall come to pass...

Shine on and be happy!!!

Strike 3...and you're OUT!

2009-03-19T14:59:00.002+08:00

Today I woke up a bit later than my usual waking up time. Ugh, blame it on last night's extended party at the house. It was already 1pm and I was still about to eat my lunch. I ate as fast as I could, without drinking water in between munches. I needed to finish fast or else I'll be late. My work starts at 2pm by the way.

1:15 pm: I headed outside to wait for a cab. It was terribly hot so I shaded myself under the big palm tree.

1:20 pm: It seems like it's Sunday morning. A few cars here and there. No taxi yet, no jeepney. I waited and waited and gave my hair a few flips, checked my nails, shifted weight from leg to leg.

1:25 pm: Still no taxi, no jeepney. My face is sweaty and I felt like running back home to take shower number 2.

1:28 pm: I sent a text message to big dinosaur habeeh, and said there are no PUV's at all. I thought there was a sudden rerouting or there was an accident somewhere up and no vehicles could pass.

As he went out of our house and approached towards where I was, my cellphone beeped. A text message from housemate-friend: STRIKE. DO YOU HAVE WORK? Ngeeeeeek! No PUV's because there's a strike, you idiot!!! Then big dinosaur habeeh came, with a big question mark on his face. "Strike". Hrrrrrrr.

This is part 2 of the strike the PUV drivers staged because of the allegedly high penalty rates LTO is imposing and if LTO does not give in to their demands, the strike will go on for 3 days. C'mon! Why the hell demand for the LTO to lower penalty rates? So the abusive drivers may just go on with all the stupid violations they've been doing on the streets and afford to pay the penalty?! If "not wearing seatbelt" costs P1,200, then wear the seatbelt! If LTO gives in, then they're dumb. If the strike goes on, then the drivers are dumber. Sorry. Just my opinion.

Shine on and be happy!!!

night light

2009-03-13T19:31:00.000+08:00

written on: December 08, 2007

it's funny how we sometimes surrender to complete stubborness and just go with instincts. nevermind that we were told not to, nevermind that we were told it would hurt - that it would cause the dreaded and much avoided pain in the gut.

it's funny how we try to stand firm on our answers and show other people we were right even if we know it was not the firm stand at all. all the more funny when we swim into the pool of regret when we realize it is way beyond late to even retract a single word. and then it hits us to the core...we can never get one day back, not a single breath back, not a split second, not a blink...

then we realize how much was lost, how much had gone by. all we can do is sit, stare at the beautiful thing lying in front of us in the night. a beautiful thing we can't touch, get nearer to, hold, smell, kiss. everything just slipped away...just like that.

"try to understand that which you'll never understand" - bleed like me, garbage.

image: fc03.deviantart.com/fs17/f/2007/180/1/2/Gilde

Shine on and be happy!!!

free me from my own thoughts

2009-03-13T17:11:00.000+08:00

last night, i kept on asking big dinosaur for tales. i wanted him to tell me stories from his past as i go to sleep. he did so. my mind drifted towards where his stories came from and i fell asleep - very much like a child being lulled. hah!

he is a good story teller. his songs, although not really that appreciated much yet, are evidences that he knows what to say to send what he felt or feels. it's one reason why i was smitten by him. i remember when he sent me a cd of their songs. two songs made me cry - (loser me, i know!) i felt the pain, the longing, and the hope he had imbued in them.

this morning he asked me why i wanted him to keep on telling me stories. i paused for a moment and then said "i just wanted to go on a vacation - from my own thoughts even for a while"...

he said "you must be tired, don't worry, i'll go travel for you"

music: purple, skunk anansie
weather: wet
hair: tied up

Shine on and be happy!!!

image: thanks to google.

Waging Wars

2009-03-07T11:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes there is just no middle ground.
Sometimes you have to step up or give way.
But not in the middle.

I did not put fire to the gasoline.
And now I have to contemplate whether to bend or stand straight.
I don't want to have a bad day.
And as I say...
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
Shine on and be happy!!!

The Kid and His "Opo"

2009-03-06T01:21:00.000+08:00

on my way home from work, i rode the jeepney instead of the taxi. the passenger beside me was a kid, about 13 to 15-ish. he was conversing with someone on his cellphone and kept saying "opo". saying "opo" is part of the filipino culture of showing respect to elders, our cultural version of saying "yes" or affirmation.

growing up in a tagalog family, we were trained to say "opo" to elders or those in authority. i even trained my son on saying "opo" instead of the usual "oo" or just giving a nod.

here in davao city, where majority of the inhabitants speak bisaya, i seldom here the word "opo". there's no "opo" in bisaya and instead they just say "oo" which is the standard "yes". but there is quite a minority here who speak tagalog. so hearing this kid beside me say "opo" gave me a bit of delight. filipino kids nowadays, when talking to elders, never really say "opo" that much anymore. cultural decay? maybe. i'm not really a pure traditionalist. i admit to having some form of cultural decay myself but there are quite a few things that stuck with me - that i am proud of.

changing times, fine. i have that considered, but, it's still nice to have a piece of our cultural identity intact.

music: taya, up dharma down
costume: pajamas
snacking on: milk and cookies

Shine on and be happy!!!

gifts too early for christmas

2009-03-05T14:27:00.001+08:00

we're on the last month of the first quarter of the year. time flies,indeed. i can still remember the smell of fireworks last new year like it was just yesterday and wow, summer's coming already!!!

last month, my dad went to manila for a reunion with the "murphy brats". murphy, being camp murphy (now camp aguinaldo)is where my dad's family lived for a time. my grandfather was a high ranking officer in the military. they had the camp reunion after 25(?) years. anyhoots, so my dad went home and a day before he left, he sent me a message "kai, anong number ng mommy mo?". hahahahaha. he was asking for my mom's number. they've been separated for 20 years now. i texted him back "why?" and he just replied "nothing, just trying if i could have it." wierd. hahaha. i texted him back "wait, i'll ask the madamme first".

so i called up my mom and asked her if i could give her number to my dad. i told her he asked for it. not really surprising but still wierd, my mom was ecstatic! haha. so instead of giving my dad her number, i gave my mom my dad's number and she was the one who sent him a message.

they're friends now. nice. i never really expected it to happen, after all these years. wow.

still swimming in my bliss over my parents' newfound friendship, i received a text message from my ex who's the dad of my son. he said "hi, can we talk?". we've broken up around 3 years ago and never really found a common ground to be amicable with each other after lots of hullabaloo. so i replied and told him my work schedule and to just let me know when he is free for the talk. i was expecting that it'd be about arrangements for our son, who's going to be in grade 1 by june.

the day after, he texted me and asked if we could meet after my work. i said ok and asked permission from the boyfie, my big dinosaur. he said it's okay and he also thinks i have to talk to my ex. so we did talk that night. it went really great. we talked about all the things and decisions we both did. we've come into an agreement to be good friends for our son. past is past and we agreed to not let the things in the past bother us anymore. we've talked about the new arrangements this coming june and we've actually laughed at some things and chitchat about life itself...we've grown, i think. it was nice to see him realize things because i did so.

this was one of those big unexpected moments. he was the one who cut off all ties after we broke up. it was hard coz we have a son but now i'm so glad the war is over, officially. i've wished for this for years. i want to end all the burden and pain - forget what has been.

so thank you, high heavens, for giving these to me. i'm happier now. thank you really. evoke good vibes and good vibes you shall get. thank you, thank you, thank you.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Global Warming...and the weather.

2009-03-01T18:47:00.001+08:00

The Philippines is a tropical country. The weather here can be categorized in only 2 kinds. Hot and cold. It gets confusing sometimes, though, coz either it rains in the morning and it's so hot at night or vice versa.

The weather change and the supposed global warming has impregnated my hyperactive imagination of many wierd seeds:

1. The Philippine Umbrella - One summer, probably one of the hottest it has ever been my entire life, i imagined what if there's a very HUGE umbrella in Cebu - being in the middle of the country. This umbrella would have titanium for its skeleton and could be controlled by a switch stationed in the main office of PAG ASA (Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Service Administration). The main pole of this umbrella could be extended to the heavens so when the actual umbrella would be opened, no one or nothing could get hit (imagine that!). This umbrella covers the entire country and we will be spared from the direct sunlight. I know, it would still be hot but at least no direct sunlight. Of course, this umbrella is UV protected. :]

2. Giant Funnels - It has been a Filipino practice to save rain water in tanks and drums. But it takes lots of rain to fill these tanks and drums so I imagined having big funnels to be put on top of the tanks and this saves funnels in more rain water. Tadah!!! Water conservation. Rain water for cleaning the house, the car, gardening, etc...

3. Plastic Boots - When it rains, it pours, when it pours, it floods. Haha. Rubber boots is one of the essential items to have for floods but carrying around these rubber boots are a hassle. Imagine bringing the boots when you go to work or putting them in you bag. What a site. So, I imagined having plastic boots. Plastic as in rollable plastic - packable plastic with elastics on its upper rim. You can't use high heeled shoes though as it will puncture holes. (This idea sprung from seeing people wrap their feet with grocery plastic bags during rainy season and flood)

4. White roofs - Global warming is one of the hottest issues in science nowadays. Ice melting, water reservoirs drying up, etc, etc...This I imagined when I was on a rooftop - what if all the roofs were painted white? This could then reflect more light back to the atmosphere (maybe) thus resulting to the precipitation process. (See, I still remember my grade school science). I did not know that this idea is viable until THIS. My idea was actually feasible. WOW. I have a brilliant brain. Haha.

Shine on and be happy!!!

A Domesticated Weekend

2009-03-01T14:12:00.001+08:00

Last Thursday night, I was already concrete on my plans for the weekend. Big dinosaur's (the boyfriend) band was supposed to have a gig on Friday and I planned that on Saturday, we'll go to his place - and stay over til Sunday. Friday came and big dinosaur got sick. Their drummer texted and said he's sick too. Everybody's sick, must be the weather.

So after my work Friday night, I headed home and bid my Friday night unwinding goodbye. Oh boy, big dinosaur WAS sick. Yesterday, I told him to rest the entire day and I'd do the house chores. We usually divide house chores. I remembered that my dad told me to have chicken soup when we're sick so I texted him and ask what kind of chicken soup should I prepare (and told him I was sick too). He said I should cook "talunan" - a native kind of chicken soup with lots of tomatoes and ginger. My dad is a great cook. I am too, I believe. Our difference though is that his food has names, mine does not. I have eaten his Talunan forever and it tastes really yummy. I have never tried cooking it though.

Yesterday's attempt was successful as big dinoasaur liked the soup. I even put 3 pieces of long chillis to add spice to it - goodluck mucus. Hehe. Today I think he feels better. He's not even here now. He went to the mall to attend to some music-related stuff. Before he left I said I missed watching tv. We used to have cable and we had it cut off because nobody watches tv. Drei, our housemate, says we can surf the news on the net anyway. We have wifi connection at home and usually, the four of us go to our separate spots and tinker with our laptops. No one watches tv. Both of the tv sets here don't have the "rabbit" antennas so we can't even see the local channels. Now I miss watching tv. It's Sunday and it's showbiz talkshow day. I can't watch them. We can surf the news on the net but I can't watch showbiz talkshows on the net. Haha. Don't get me wrong, I'm not after each celebrity's scandalous life. I'm just amused watching Boy, Kris, and Ruffa - three of the wittiest tv people I've seen.

Here I am, in front of my laptop, as usual. I give myself 30 minutes more then I'm off to wash the dishes, do my laundry, and probably clean the comfort room too.

How was your weekend?

Music: No Lovechild, Corrine Bailey Rae

Shine on and be happy!!!

Not Always Right.

2009-02-27T19:20:00.001+08:00

I did not have any task to do at work today. Thanks to www.stumbleupon.com, I stumbled to this...Check it...

Shine on and be happy!!!

Genesis

2009-02-27T15:30:00.000+08:00

This is my nth blog attempt. I hope this one sticks. I have deleted two blogs in the past, both containing memoirs of yesteryears. Haha. Blogging is as good as a diary. I used to have a diary in my younger days and it even got me into deep shit. Fuck that. The reason why I deleted my other blogs was coz’ I realized I did not wanted to be reminded anymore of the things that I wrote down – well, some of them. But, yeah, I ended up deleting everything. So eto, bagong panimula. Good luck.

I’m currently at work. Yes, I finally gave in to the pressure. I needed another job. So now I have two jobs. Two real jobs and a whole lot of others pro bono style. Hahaha. Passion nga daw kasi…Fine.

This job I’m in now is new for me. I’m in web development as a content writer / copy writer. Naks! Techie techie…Haha. It has been two nice weeks. Miraculously, I’ve made friends and “blended in” in two days. See, friendly ako kahit papano. My immediate boss is cool. The admin receptionist gives me the creeps but she hasn’t done anything to aggravate my invisible sungays yet. Except that kuya manong guard is so annoyed by her and my immediate cool boss has been her nemesis for the past year/s. Hehe. We’ll see.

Wala pa ang papers ko and magsusuweldo na kami sa 5 so di ko pa alam how much I’m getting. Hahaha. Bahala na si Batman. I hope it will be what I expected and it’ll be great if goes beyond. Ambisyosa! Oh btw, the monitors here suck. Duling na nga ako, maduduling pa ata ako lalo dito. During my first week, the sysad (system admin) dude had my monitor replaced but with the same banana – bluish monitors and blurred letters. Sya na rin mismo nagcomment na “expired” na raw ang monitors. Ayus! And it turns out, only a few here have permanent seats. Others (like me) tend to transfer units – depende kung may nauna na dun sa inupuan mo the previous day. Haaay. But last Tuesday, I was able to get a unit with a non expired monitor, flatscreen pa! Masaya. Kaso today may nauna kaya back to bluish monitors and blurred letters again. Grrr.

Hayun.

Music: Text In the City, Sandwich
Costume: Opi sneakers, old dark jeans, white belt, orange tube, brown vest by Freeway.
Hair: may sariling buhay

Shine on and be happy!