Saturday, June 26, 2010

iens tergum in vicis

i remember sitting on the couch and listening to my song. i can't forget how my heart wanted to burst out of my chest, how its beats caused me slight deaths.

i remember skinny dipping into the rhythm and felt the chills up my spine thinking about the loss of something i never really had.

i remember how i wanted for a flashbomb to explode right before my eyes to numb everything even just for a short while.

i remember how i wanted dawn to go on forever and not see the light of day. i remember.

i remember concealing my eyes not to show how emotions are eating me.

and as i go back, i'd be forced to retrace my steps,  the hesitant steps that i had when i left.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Why My Back?

The other day, as I was coming out of the shower, my mom asked me: "Why put your tattoos on your back where you can seldom see them?". I said I don't need to see them everyday because I know they are there.
They are stamps and I am the passport. My back is my past and I will be facing what the future brings with what I have become.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

that black couch

There's a black couch similar to this

Torn and tattered but I really miss...

If only that couch could speak,
It would tell a million secrets
Theirs and mine and all others who
Once in their lives passed by the couch too.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Pray for Forgiveness

I knew of friends who were played on by the grandness of life. From others' point of view it may seem that they played with chance, they tested fate. One was a free soul, the other has a free mind. All odds against. For a long time they've always just passed by each other, hi's, hello's, nods, and high fives. Nothing. One fine day under the clear skies and humid weather, they met. Mind to mind, hopes to hopes, dreams. Just that kind where time didn't matter. The ceaseless conversations brought them too close for comfort. It became a love affair which wasn't really as the mind held it but the soul denied it. It became a battle of choices: one chose to save while the other chose to hold back, one chose to keep it under weather the other wanted sunshine. As fast as they met was disconnection. Somewhere in between everything was immaculate...too immaculate that the disconnection washed over it like tide on sand castle.

It is a sad fact that choices, as much as they are free to grab, can be restricting. The systems of the universe are made up by choices. The structures are choices, the foundations are choices. Even the odds are choices - made by people that affect people.

Fate and chance? Can they hold true? They could not be absolute. Choices. Only in a parallel universe free of structure can a free soul and a free mind meet without the odds. Only in a parallel universe can things like happiness and contentment be absolute. Parallel universe.

Shine on and be happy!!!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Currently listening to: URBANDUB, The Apparition

One of the Philippines premier rock bands, Urbandub, has just recently released their new album. I got wind of it when a friend of mine pointed out that they sound "alienating" this time. I didn't know what he meant by that since I haven't heard a single song from the new album yet. I didn't mind getting the new album until the bf asked whether I already have it. He said they sound upgraded and that other musicians would have a hard time covering the songs.


Now that I have it and have been sound trippin' on them for days now, indeed they sound juicier. If they were hamburger, they'd definitely be one messy burger to eat with all that juice and tender beef falling off. (I think I am hungry.) To start off, no good listener can mistake Gabi Alipe's vocals for someone else. He has that distinct voice - full and whole but tiny at the same time. Hahaha. Througout the album, Lalai Lim, their bassist has more audible back up vocals than before. They definitely still have that Urbandub vibe going on. When one listens, one can immediately say "ah, that's Urbandub". This time though, more dynamics have been injected into the patty (pardon me for the burger thing). New sounds play from almost all the songs.

Opening the album is Meneurs De Loup, a loop. Reading the title reminds me of A Perfect Circle. Eh? The Apparition, I think, is the one that made my friend say Udub's sound is alienating. This song is quiet and had that airy feel like you're being taken to a different plane. This song then melts into Face in the Woods and you know you've just entered Urbandub's door. The bassist did a good job filling in back up vox. The tale continues with Gravity which has a heavy sound and here, I heard that particular Urbandub guitar riffs.

When Shadows Have Eyes is a short cut that reminded me of White Zombie and Marilyn Manson. A bit far-out but somehow fits the whole exposition. Wierd.

What This Night Brings, this song I kinda' heard from somewhere. I mean it sounded familiar and I just can't figure out where I heard it. Maybe it sounded similar to another local band's song. This has a nice form of vocal play from Gabi and Lai. A Call To Arms, for me is an emotional song-emo in a good way. It's probably the lyrics.

Arrows is an instrumental cut that again, reminds you this is a different Urbandub plane. This is followed by Tongues Like Knives and Bright City Kids which are probably my least favorite from the album. Next song is Stars and the Sun which is my favorite. It had a bit of Deftones feel to it but it's completely their own. It's heavy, it's playful, it's melodic and has a patriotic call to it. (Hello, Stars and the Sun..). It opens with an ethnic dub, funky sound and molds into a complete story on its own devoid of influence from other songs in the album. I would like to take this as the climax of this album's tale despite being a story on its own. Denouement then becomes the Over the Hill & Back cut which sounds as if they were chillin' on a green garden with butterflies and angels lying on the ground. Much like a victory song after a war.

Then they realized that after a war comes many dead bodies, broken buildings, and torn lives so comes We Kept It Hidden. It's a complete surrender and more like an ode to return to something you know is pure..."let all the pieces fortunate in endings".

Good Morning Bones sounds a bit 311-ish. I feel that this is a continuation of We Kept It Hidden or at least what they were trying to evoke in terms of musicality and feel. Mountains Tell Stories caps off the album - reminding you again that you are in outer space. ;)

Truth be told, I can't say yet that this new Urbandub album is better than its predecessors. However, as with their previous albums, I didn't quite fall in love with the first few times listening. They kinda' grew on me through time...

Shine on and be happy!!!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

We're so Red,Green, and Gold

I live in a happy house with the person I love, my son, and two of my friends who are technically my family. They got married recently and so a lot of new "firsts" have begun for them. One of these firsts is the Christmas tree they put I up which now proudly stands on our sala bedecked with Christmas ornaments.

I forgot what "ber" months mean until I came home from a Saturday night out shocked to see this happy tree. It took me about 10 seconds to realize that the Christmas season has begun. Being the nomad that I am, I vaguely remember the last time I've lived in a house that had a Christmas tree for well, Christmas. Christmas trees always reminded me of family, Noche Buena, and a meaningful celebration. This tree reminded me all of that and more...

So this month I shall be going to my mom. I am excited because it will be a family Christmas for me (real family) and my son. I shall go home and celebrate Christmas for what it was really meant for. This will also be a first for me, in many, many years. (I shall buy a new camera to capture more firsts that will come along with this.)

2009 has been a great year for me. This Christmas will be great.

...oh and the book cabinet has a lay above it with twinkling Christmas lights. I shall not forget too that this is the first time I've ever seen a Christmas lay hugging a sala mirror that says "Miller Beer"...

Shine on and be happy!!!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Ang Di Lumingon sa Pinanggalingan...ay Napugutan.

nung isang araw nagmessage ang isa sa aking mga mabuting kaibigan na si mymai. tanong nya kung meron daw ba akong bagong "learnings". sana daw may maisulat akong tungkol sa mga taong lumimot na sa pinanggalingan. parang ganun kasi malabo ang instructions nya. nyahaha. sabi ko sige, mag iisip ako ng mga ilang araw at gagawan ko. malamang naman siguro sa dalawampu't walong taon ko nang nabubuhay sa mundong ibabaw, may natutunan naman ako tungkol sa PAST.

salawikain: ang taong di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay di makakarating sa paroroonan.

totoo, madaming tao ang nakakalimot sa kung ano sila noon lalo na kung mas marangya, mas maaliwalas, mas mataas, at mas mabuti na ang kalagayan nila ngayon "DAW". okey sana kung talagang nakalimutan lang pero yung sinasadyan lumimot? tsk.

eto yung mga tao na mahilig sa mga "past is past", "noon lang yun", "tapos na yun" na mga kataga o pinakasimple: namumuhay sila ngayon na akala mo walang bahid ng kung anumang kapalpakan, katangahan, o katarantaduhan silang nagawa noon.

c'mon mamon!

oo, sige, totoo, tapos na nga naman yun pero wag sana tayong magpanggap na hindi na iyon bahagi ng kung anuman tayo NGAYON. sinong niloko mo? natural, bahagi ang lahat lahat ng napagdaanan mo kung anong klaseng tao ka ngayon. kung bumuti eh di mabuti, kung sumama, watken ay sey? diskarte mo yan eh...

hindi kailanman tayo makakatakas sa ating nakaraan.

pinakasimpleng eksampel: ang salitang "pero" . kahit si manny pacquiao na isa sa pinakamayamang pilipino ngayon at tinitingala ng marami, pag pinag uusapan sya talagang may ganito: "uy, si manny pacquiao o matalo man o manalo sa laban nila ni coto billions na naman ang kikitain. pwede na niyang bayaran utang ng pilipinas" "oo nga, yaman na ng loko PERO dati umuutang lang yan sa tindahan". odiba?

patuloy na maaalala ng mga taong nakakakilala sa atin yung mga nakita, narinig, naranasan nila tungkol sa atin kahit pa anong klaseng buhay ang meron tayo ngayon. ang sarap sana ng buhay kung totoong nakakalimot ang tao, kung talagang sa isang iglap mawala ang lahat ng impresyon na ating iniwan sa isipan ng iba kaso hindi eh. sa men in black lang nagagawa yun.

oo din, mas importante nga naman yung NGAYON kaya lang wag tayong umasta na para bang "wala lang" yung nakaraan. kasi para mo na ring sinabi na isa ka lang utot na dumaan at nawala. ang salitang "pero" tungkol sa ating buhay ay dala dala na natin hanggang sa tayo ay may hininga. bawat isa sa ating ikinilos ay katumbas ng isang "pero". it may be used against you, not only in the court of law, but in the court of mankind.

tanggapin natin ng buo ang bawat "pero" na ating totoong ginawa. hindi natin pwedeng sabihin na "di na ako yun, nagbago na ako". TSEH! ikaw pa rin yun, nagbago ka lang nga! ang sinasabi ko lang naman, hindi naman porke't nag 180-degree turn ang buhay mo, ibang tao ka na. ano ka, magic? siguro, oo, you're a new person pero sa kaibuturan, IKAW pa rin yan. sabi nga nila, ang ahas magpalit man daw ng balat, ahas pa din. tama nga naman, mas shiny nga lang. mas maganda, masa mabango, at pwedeng hindi na nanunuklaw pero ahas pa rin yun.

wag magmalinis. yun yon! di ba mas maganda kung kung ikaw ay may isang buong pagkatao? hindi yung parang sinadyang hiniwalay mo sa kung anumang paraan ang nakalipas sa ngayon. kahit na ba balewalain na natin ang paningin ng iba sa atin, sa sarili natin mismo alam natin yung katotohanan na ang nakalipas ay malaking bahagi ng kung pano tayo nabuo sa ating "ngayon" at mabubuo sa ating "kinabukasan"...


Shine on and be happy!!!